Sustaining Intimacy Despite Chronic Illness

                                                          

Contemporary society is grappling with increasing cases of chronic illnesses from cancer, obesity, asthma and diabetes to multiple sclerosis, heart disease, cystic fibrosis and Dementia among others. When a chronic illness hits your marriage, it is more likely that it will take a toll on your relationship as a couple. This is because the spouse who is sick may not be physically, mentally and emotionally able to respond to the emotional and physical needs of the healthy partner. The worse occurs when the healthy spouse does not know how to handle the changes that comes with caring for the sick partner. The strain that develops may push your perception of ‘in health and in sicknesses’ to the edge.

With reports by the British journal The Lancet indicating that marriages where one partner is suffering from chronic illness are likely to end in unfaithfulness and divorce, it becomes fundamental to learn ways that you can sustain intimacy despite chronic illness as a Christian. Some of the ways to sustain intimacy despite chronic illness includes

1)     Communicating Effectively

Communicating effectively is difficult in ordinary relationships and with the strain of a health problem that has no clear solution, this can prove to be the deal breaker for many couples dealing with chronic illness.

The inability to communicate well results in feelings of distance, which culminates in deteriorating intimacy. To ensure as a couple you are able to effectively communicate, begins by talking openly about what you feel, think and most importantly, what your opinions are about various issues that are directly or indirectly affecting your relationship. This allows space for healthy discussions, which is a fertile ground for developing feelings of closeness.

Working as a team by engaging each other when making important decisions and solving problems goes a long way in cementing the union between you as a couple.

2)     Managing Stressful Emotions

Majority of couples dealing with chronic illnesses are often down and anxious when they find out one of them is sick. Although it is normal to be anxious and even worried for the sick partner, it is important to manage stressful emotions such as anxiety by first, identifying the cause of anxiety and second, identifying effective strategies of dealing with it.

To overcome stressful emotions related with a chronic disease and to ensure the stressful emotions do not dig a wedge between you as a couple, the American Psychological Association recommends that you

·       Be in control of the illness by learning more about it

·       Engage a counselor and your spiritual mentor such as your pastor or priest to help you as a couple to develop your coping skills

·       Be aware of the emotions to ensure they do not deteriorate into clinical depression

·       Do not live in denial, embrace the fact that there are things that are and will change in your relationship

·       Seek spiritual guidance and support in order to effectively learn how to overcome pain, fear and self-doubts among other forms of human limitations

3)     Make Your Needs Known

It may become difficult for both spouses to make their needs known to each other. The sick partner often will convey mixed messages where they at one minute seeking your help and another, refusing the help offered and often feeling more of a patient than partner. On the other hand, the healthy partner may feel overwhelmed when they suddenly have to take up more responsibilities. The mistake that most couples do is to expect their partners will know what they are feeling or want. Well, they are not mind readers!

Simply, make your needs known to each other about what you want and discuss about ways of trading roles and responsibilities. Become equal partners and your intimacy will thrive because no one will feel short changed or lesser of a partner.

Coping with chronic illness among couples is no easy feat but with effective communication, management of stressful situations, seeking spiritual support and making your needs known will help sustain intimacy despite chronic illness.